CreaSentisciente

I started like one typically does in writing, I suppose. Having countless doubts. But they weren’t doubts about the events, nor about their nature, nor even about what they meant. My doubts were about how this story would have to end. Because it naturally had to end somehow. And the very purpose of telling this story caused me a certain anxiety.

Then I remembered a conversation I had with my Little Light some time ago. Back then, I was quite lost, just like now.

‘Do you think it’s crazy that I feel and do the things I do?’ I asked.

‘Dad, do we ever ask a sculptor why they sculpt? No, I don’t think so. I believe you should never stop’ she replied to me.

And with this idea in my head, I set out to do it, and I began to sculpt this story. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized the immense significance of those words I had read in that old book. We all have a mission. And by believing in it, by believing in myself, you start to feel it. However, I could see nothing resembling an ending to the story. And so I told this to my Fairy.

‘I don’t know how this has to end! I can’t come up with an ending! It wouldn’t make sense for me to imagine it. Because this story is not just a tale.’

‘Creep, live with enthusiasm!’ exclaimed my Fairy.

Live with enthusiasm… I said to myself. How beautiful it is, for God’s sake! What beautiful words. It’s not easy at all to learn to live with enthusiasm; what is needed? Is it to feel what you do?

Perhaps it is about knowing for certain that, whatever it is you are doing with your life, you should never worry about the final outcome. Because the path you are walking is nothing but Light and Love. Nothing more. And nothing less.

And as I wrote, day after day, I started to feel what I had never felt before. Writing gave me an immense sense of peace, calm, and serenity, while also keeping me completely excited. I didn’t care at all what the final outcome would be. My enthusiasm was simply for the act of sharing and telling.

‘Only you are bold enough to speak of love in this way’ the Fairy told me one afternoon.

At first, I didn’t pay it much attention. After all, my Fairy always talked a lot. A lot. But that night when I went to sleep it came back to me, am I really that bold? I thought. The thing is, I don’t speak of love as it is commonly discussed. I know. For me, it’s about the essence of every single thing. Past, present, and future things. Good and bad things. Naturally, yes, is there anyone who gets it right without having erred first? Of all the things a person might need, this is the most important: to accept and feel the love that you carry inside, to practice it wherever you are, wherever you go, and whatever you do. Because of all the things we can perceive and feel, love is the only one that transcends the dimensions of time and space. Or is there anyone who would wish to spend eternity in the most absolute indifference?

I don’t believe it.

But there was something more…

‘My Fairy, I must tell you something. Something very strange.’

‘Tell me Creep, what’s wrong with you?’

‘Since I started writing, I feel immensely happy’ I told him. ‘But moreover, I feel an intense pleasurable sensation. Something that runs through me from bottom to top… like… like caresses in an erotic game.’

She began to laugh heartily with a face full of satisfaction and happiness.

‘Oh Creep! What you feel is energy!’

‘Energy?’

‘The energy of creation’ she clarified to me. ‘The energy of Creation with a lowercase and with an uppercase. Or why do you think we are here? To create, and co-create, and recreate Creation time and time again. Or as you would say, to evolve’ she clarified to me again.

‘That sounds lovely’ I replied.

‘But remember this well’ he warned me. ‘You must learn to retain it. It is very important.’

And then I realized something that I had been overlooking for a long time. If you doubt, you will fear; and any fear will prevent you from loving; and without love, there is nothing left.

And with the energy came the farewell…

‘The time has come for me to leave, Creep.’

‘Are you leaving? Really? For good?’ I asked her with a sense of unease.

‘Obviously. There is nothing more I can do for you. But I will tell you one thing’ she added, ‘I’m delighted to have met myself with you.’

It had always managed to bring a smile to my face. It was part of its charm. But at that moment, I smiled lightly as a tear rolled down my cheek.

‘You will always have a little corner in my heart, Fairy.’

‘And you will always be my favorite weirdo’ she said excitedly.

And then we hugged like the two souls that had been helping each other for months without expecting anything in return.

‘Do you know what I like most about you?’

‘What, Creep?

‘I don’t like you at all. I have managed to care for you a lot without having to fall in love with you. And that is quite an achievement because it is very difficult for me’ I confessed while sobbing uncontrollably.

‘Oh…’ he sighed. ‘Stop crying, come on, you’re going to make me catch it. I’m leaving. I must go back to the North. The world is full of distracted people. There’s a lot to be done! But let’s not be sad, because even though you no longer need a Fairy, I will still be your upstairs neighbor’ he added. ‘Take care of yourself, please!’

And that’s how my Fairy left me with everything I needed to know about myself and everything I felt. It was a wonderful state. I could feel myself vibrating, I could feel that I was feeling. And there was nothing that could alter that state in my inner Being. The feeling of pleasure increased exponentially the greater my peace and calm. And happiness was complete. But I needed to name it somehow.

‘Sentiscientive’ I said to myself. And that sounded perfect to me.

‘A precious word,’ that is how the Good and Beautiful Witch of this Tale will describe it, some time later.

In the next chapter…

The Good and Beautiful Witch – Part 1

I dreamed of you. 
We flew together through the sky, 
hand in hand, under the stars. 
But I knew that you were carrying me, 
for I could never have soared so high without you.