CreaSentisciente

A witch once told me that I was born in this world in love with Love. She said that when I landed down here, I did so with that quality already. Because don’t forget, and this is important, that in this world when you arrive, it’s because you land; that is, you come from above and fall to touch the ground. It’s inevitable. Although it’s also true that some of us are so light that we tend to float constantly. And that’s when all these people around you keep repeating to you over and over again:

‘But what are you doing, idiot! Put your feet on the ground!’

These poor people do not realize how much it costs to hold on to something to stay firm when everything about you is so light. And you can’t help it; that’s just how you are. You better start accepting your condition because when you fall into this world, you fall with your own nature. Only for you. This is also inevitable.

But that Witch taught me many things. And she taught me well. She was a Good and Beautiful Witch. But what am I saying! She is the Most Good and Beautiful Witch that has ever existed! And she still is, and so she will be until the end of time.

Keep in mind that I am going to tell you a story full of magic. Of magic and beautiful things. This is my story, nothing more. It isn’t an especially exciting tale. In fact, as you can see, I am very, very boring (this is something that people often tell me) although I think that people confuse boredom with tranquility.

And it is also a story filled with beauty. With a capital B, of course; let’s not get lost in trivialities now. Moreover, I never imagined the immense beauty that the gift of this journey would bring. Because it has been a beautiful journey, very beautiful. The more I walked, the more beautiful it appeared, and the more beauty has permeated everything I felt. For this reason, I sometimes think that seeking something seems entirely useless. That I should simply limit myself to letting things happen to me. To let them flow through me. To let myself feel them.

But yes, we do it. Searching, I mean. We all do it. We spend our lives searching; searching for friends, work, money, pleasure… and love! And the strangest thing of all, happiness. Yes, happiness. It seems strange to me, to say the least. There are people in this world who “seek to be happy,” literally, as I’m telling you. And this is utterly impossible because you cannot “search to be something.” Happiness is simply exercised, like a position.

In the end, in this life, the only thing you will truly need is a purpose. Having goals is nice, but when you reach them, you finish. And having objectives is fine, but you always have to start over again. I like purposes. It’s like having a place to head towards without haste. Because hurry, hurry, for what? After all, if the world is round, where are we going in such a hurry? Right? Well, before continuing, I can give you a purpose, and if you like it for yourself: evolve from a love for life.

Let’s continue.

As I mentioned before, my Witch already warned me that I was born in this world in love with Love. But the thing is, I couldn’t remember it. If I arrived this way, the truth is, I don’t remember. Almost no one does. Because when we fall to Earth, we fall to zero. Living is experiencing, and there is no greater experience than the one that has never been had before.

However, for me, there was a point when suddenly all the lights turned on, and from that day on, I became totally sure that thanks to my intuition (an intuition that we all possess, you too) I could remember things I already knew without ever having known them before. Curious, isn’t it?

‘Your soul is omniscient, it knows everything there is to know, even if your conscience can’t remember it’, that’s how it was told to me.

And so I kept it to myself.

But besides arriving in love in this world, I also came dreaming. Yes, dreaming. And I truly remembered this. I am a dreamer. And also a happy dreamer. At first, it’s quite difficult because you feel a bit odd, people look at you with strange faces, but then you really start to enjoy this dreaming thing. The secret of living asleep is that nobody bothers you at the wrong time, nobody interrupts you, and nobody disturbs your peace. It’s fantastic.

When they used to tell me all that about ‘put your feet on the ground, idiot!’, what I actually liked was to dream. To dream the impossible; I dreamed of things that seemed unattainable and sometimes even incomprehensible. But since I am very obedient, I tried to come down to earth again and again, and then again… and one more time, although I always ended up dreaming of some other place beyond where the feet rest.

Dreamer, in love, light-hearted, and with a fool’s face. If I had any online account, that would be my profile. What a combination! Perhaps that’s why I’ve ended up working in something that requires me to use reason, logic, and that thing they call common sense. The truth is that I see a huge contradiction in this, but the fact is I’ve had many contradictions in my life.

What happens is that a dreamer, and especially one in love, doesn’t want to be right. They don’t need to be. What they really want is to imagine places where many other people would like to go, and perhaps one day many others will end up getting there. Someone has to do it. So I dreamed, what is love? Where is it? Is it sought, is it found, or perhaps is it made? Is it a creation?

When you feel that things are not fitting, you start to pay much attention to everything around you. And by doing so, that’s when you begin to remember things; things that you no longer remembered. But they happened.

Everything we learn, everything we feel, and also everything we know, does not have an immediate utility by any means. It lacks practical sense for a time. It might be a long time, depending on how impatient you are. Or it’s also possible that you yourself are losing that practical sense, because maybe it’s you who is drifting away without realizing it. Most of the things we seek are often right in front of us, in the same place they were at the beginning, when we were unable to see anything. When we were just looking.

‘Music is not just music!’, they shouted.

And this is exactly how it happened. The music turned out to be something more than just music. When you learn to listen and see beyond things, everything becomes much more than what appears before your senses.

An Unexpected Visit…

Many years before I started writing this, and you began to pay attention to me, I saw something impossible for the first time in my life. And this time I wasn’t dreaming. It seemed fascinating. It was like floating but with my feet on the ground. It’s a moment when it feels like you’re contemplating a colorful unicorn. And then you ask yourself ‘is this possible? Do unicorns exist?’. The thing is, in that moment, you don’t realize that you can spend your whole life searching for logical explanations to impossible things, and the more you explain them to yourself, the darker everything becomes. The fact is that the best therapy to overcome all this is simply to observe the effects of what cannot be seen or touched. It’s about following the trail.

But I am not here to convince anyone.

When you look at something and do not allow yourself to feel it, what you will end up seeing is only what you wanted to see before looking. So be very careful, because what you have in your head will try to cover everything that aspires to come out of your heart. And perhaps it will succeed. Sometimes the impossible happens, and if it happens, it means it exists.

When I was little, my biggest role model was always my older brother. With him, I learned to discover music, reading, cinema, science, and studying. But when I was already thirteen, one day he had an accident and went missing. At least that’s what I was told. I was told that I had lost my older brother; I had lost my most important role model.

The curious thing about coincidences is that they do not occur in time following an order. At least, they do not follow an apparent logical order. It’s as if some explanations appear a long time after they are needed. Or perhaps they are still needed, even if you think you no longer need them. This is one of the things that happen when we do not pay attention to our inner life. We are too focused on everything that others need from us. Yes, you read that right, others. Not you.

‘I believe, dad’ said my Little Light, ‘that when you lose something it’s because you will never find it again.’

That’s how my Little One explained it to me many years later with that vehemence and clarity of hers; those she displays the few times she speaks. The truth is that viewed this way, it makes sense. And she was right.

We take things for granted and have no idea about almost anything. If you find it again, it means it was not lost; it was merely misplaced. But such is the uncertainty of life, and sometimes answers appear much, much later. They appear, and this is very important, only when you are ready to remember and feel. And don’t worry, someone will let you know.

My brother was not lost; he never was. I got lost. Until I found myself, and when you find yourself, you see. You can even see what is not there if you follow the trail. You can perceive and feel in your consciousness through your intuition. The problem is that the consciousness is not always ready. Or better yet, you are the one who is not ready. You have to let go and patiently wait for things to happen, to flow, and to feel.

Stop! One moment! Back then, I was not yet ready to flow or feel anything. What happened, happened, and I have no idea why it happened.

Let’s see how I can tell you…

As you well know, for many years I was with a lady. My Lady and I had married without getting married when we were still very young. She was a beautiful girl! And very, very lovely! She had really pretty eyes. That’s how I fell in love with her. It has always been like that. I have always sought something through her gaze; something I didn’t quite know what it was, but that I searched for incessantly because I never managed to find it. Perhaps that’s why I have always been so shy. I think that deep down, I was afraid of finding what I was looking for. My Lady and I spent two complete decades and a half together and united. More than enough time to find happiness, enjoy it, and then lose it again.

My Little Light had arrived in this world not long ago. I don’t remember how long it had been. She was tiny but already looked around and smiled. Her mom, who was always extraordinarily good at this, had set up the crib in a nearby room, which actually was no more than a meter away from our bed. She always had a very light sleep and could perceive even the slightest movement or noise. Someone had brought us one of those typical baby gifts; one of those things that people give to those of us who bring new creatures into the world. It was a battery-operated rattle. One of those that you install in the crib to give babies music and visual movement until they fall asleep.

She was a very good baby. She hardly ever cried and was always calm. She ate, slept, and looked around. Above all, she observed. I believe she still does. That was almost all she did. And that was everything she was doing at that moment. When we had not yet fallen asleep completely, it began.

The rattle began to play music.

I woke up startled. ‘What is that?’, I asked loudly as her mother jumped out of bed. Upon entering the room, we could see that it made no sense at all. It was a complete nonsense. That thing, that rattle was moving, emitting its sweet melody, while our little one, who didn’t even notice her parents’ arrival, looked and laughed happily toward the opposite side of the room, lying on her back and unable to sit up due to her young age. It was impossible for her to have turned it on. And it was completely impossible for it to have turned on by itself. Just like that.

The Little One looked and laughed. She was not looking at her mother or her father, nor at the rattle. While laughing and staring into the void, her eyes spoke differently. Her gaze betrayed that she was seeing something. But there was nothing else there. In that room, there was nothing more for my eyes to capture.

Naturally, she never came to know it, but that day my Little One saw the Light. That night, without warning anyone, someone had come to visit. That was the first time I saw an impossible. And it was the first time I truly stopped to observe the effects of those things that are neither seen nor touched. And fortunately for me, that night I was not alone.